Roof That Peach

"Look I'm on a cable TV show"

Chris Bosh’s latest jab at the city of Toronto, or Canada in general, seems to indicate that the man who needs to be more famous than he really is has some lingering issues about what’s been said about him since he departed for Miami. Now cable TV has become newsworthy.

Seems his condo in Toronto was a BellExpressVu building, meaning he had no NBA League Pass. Given his income level, if it was such a problem, it begs the question of why he just didn’t move to a different condo. But this isn’t a real complaint, it’s just something else Bosh felt he needed to talk about. In this lightning-fast media era, famous people need a stream of talking points to help keep them relevant.

Now I certainly am not going to defend Bosh, but I’ve discussed this issue before. While he didn’t say it exactly, what I suspect he had an issue with was that there was no ESPN. One of the biggest complaints Americans of any profession have about living in Canada is not having ESPN. Does it make them babies if they whine about it and move back because of it? Yes, of course. Canadians give up all sorts of Canadiana when they move south by the thousands per year. Less hockey, no Tim Hortons in all but a few states, no health care unless your company pays for it.

However in this case we’re talking about professional athletes, men who have been coddled and treated like royalty since high school. No ESPN? That’s not good. I can even somewhat appreciate where they come from — a black guy from Dallas doesn’t necessarily want to sit through 15 minutes of NHL highlights on TSN or Sportsnet before he gets anything related to the NBA, NFL or whatever.

But given that this is an age where you can get highlights of anything on your iPhone in a matter of seconds, Bosh’s whining, and previous knock about a lack of U.S. TV coverage of the Raptors shows his media sensibility is shockingly dated for a man who desperately needs to be a media star. And his ego will never embrace the fact that his game and physical dimensions as a power forward isn’t always a marketable top-5 star commodity. But at the same time, that’s why you’re a third fiddle now Chris. The league, NBC and ESPN desperately tried to make Vince Carter that guy when he played in Toronto, but Vince just wasn’t interested in playing basketball.

Having said that, ESPN should be in Canada. It’s 2010. But it’s unlikely TSN, partially-owned by the Bristol mothership, will never let that happen because of CRTC rules and programming allotment. The Score still picks up content that some, but not many of us in this country like watching — such as NCAA basketball and football — but one wonders what the story will be as TSN2 continues to pick what’s becoming a sports TV carcass. If only TSN2 could run “Sportscenter” over “Sportscentre” once a day.

But make no mistake, the ESPN thing is a big issue with pro athletes in Toronto, and it’s always going to be there, however trivial Canadians find it.

If there was a moral victory for the Raps Saturday in Miami, it was Bosh racking up the five fouls and only playing 22 minutes. Friday’s stunning win in Orlando has to help build some confidence. Triano calling out some of his players earlier in the day may have helped. On a day when Triano alluded to Toronto players as selfish, the Raps spread the ball around and pulled out the win on a Sonny Weems three.

Chris … I mean Joe Hollywood’s appearance on the latest episode of HBO’s Entourage features the newly-minted Heat forward at a T&A and coke-fuelled Vincent Chase afterparty. On an aside, I’m not even sure why I still watch Entourage — Jeremy Piven’s act is finally waning and I now find myself rooting for Vince to self-destruct. I suppose I watch it to reaffirm my disdain for the cult of celebrity, but I digress.

Clearly, NBA players aren’t strangers to crazy parties — in fact the one portrayed in the show was likely tame in comparison to what really goes on (think the masked orgy from Eyes Wide Shut with more ethnic diversity and without the masks). And somebody snorting blow in the same room as you doesn’t make you guilty, as anyone who has ever been in the bathroom at Cheval or that Keg on York Street can attest. But it’s gotta make you wonder if anybody’s concerned about marketing a clean image any more. I realize the world is vastly different from what it was 15 years ago and standards are non-existent now, but it wasn’t too long ago leagues and agents would reject a script like that before an athlete got a chance to get on set. Granted, we’re in an era now where people are famous for doing nothing and the saying “there’s no such thing as bad publicity” is a sworn mantra. And not unlike the Kardashian kids, Chris Bosh just wants to be famous.

I have no moral opinion on this matter whatsoever, but it is actually quite interesting and I must say I do like criticizing Bosh’s affinity for transcendent superstardom.

Apparently the episode was only shot June 8.

Chris Bosh, undoubtedly brimming with joy and confidence about his new lease on life in the land of fake breasts, indicated to the Miami Herald in a Sunday story that Toronto “smelled different” because it wasn’t in the United States. Now I’ve written about all I can stomach about the U.S. player/Toronto team thing, so I’ll leave it alone. However, the article’s writer, Israel Gutierrez, takes the usual absent-minded digs that many American journalists fall victim to, specifically saying that the league didn’t notice Bosh because he played in Toronto.

Didn’t notice? Wasn’t that Chris Bosh who did a week of hits on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno (before Leno screwed Conan) during the 2008 NBA Finals? Wasn’t that Chris Bosh who was voted by NBA fans to start the 2007 All-Star Game? The next thing they’ll tell us is Vince Carter left T.O. for better endorsements with the Nets, which isn’t true. After Vince left, I didn’t see his jersey in Fat Joe videos, like it was when he played here. But people have short (or no) memories.

Aah, to be a fan in the frozen tundra.

Bryan Colangelo took his shots at Bosh to Bob McCown on the FAN 590 Monday, admitting what was clear at the time, that he mentally checked out on the team down the stretch. In retrospect, it really was pathetic. After a rough March 26 loss to Denver on a last-second Carmelo Anthony jumper, I was in the locker room scrum and the Star’s Dave Feschuk was grilling him on his recent rash of turnovers. Bosh, in his laconic speaking style, just kept shrugging and mumbling. It sort of reminded of the time Shaq called him the “RuPaul of big men,” and he responded in a YouTube video by just giggling like someone to afraid to make a meaningful statement.

"If any of you kids are thirsty, there's a conveniently placed fridge full of Vitamin Water. Just don't get up while the Pete Rose guy talks to LeBron"

However this Miami Heat triumvirate ends — and I’m betting that title(s) or not, it ultimately ends with clashing egos — this entire clusterfuck of an experience has been one of the most surreal sequences in sports history. The story goes the three of these guys made a pact at the 2008 Olympics in Beijing that they would do just this. And by doing it, LeBron James may become the man who could have been King. How he and Dwyane Wade plan on co-existing 40 minutes a game is anybody’s guess, but for the time being they can regale us about how they plan on being selfless team guys. You can also count on current Heat coach Erik Spoelstra being fired or re-assigned mid-season a la Stan Van Gundy. The glory that is Pat Riley’s ego tends to flare up every couple of years like a case of latent arthritis.

I don’t know Chris Bosh — the closest I’ve come to him is holding a tape recorder to his chest and walking by him once at Cheval — but there was a palpable sense in Toronto after the summer of 2008 that he had changed. Bill Simmons points out that presently, he clearly wants to be more famous than he actually is. From purely a basketball standpoint, going to Miami to be with Wade alone made sense — he never was a #1, no matter how hard some Raptors fans wanted him to be, and despite his deficiencies he would flourish playing low with a star in the backcourt. But the whole process made you wonder when the rumor came out LeBron had unsuccessfully tried to recruit him to Cleveland. He wouldn’t play in the rustbelt, plain and simple. It was abundantly clear he needed more glamour than that. Thanks to Mona Halem and the city itself, Toronto is celebrated among U.S. pro athletes (even if they don’t want to live here) for it’s multi-ethnic mix of women and upscale nightlife. The only NBA cities that beat it in that regard are Miami, New York and L.A.

By rejecting LBJ’s appeal to find a way to go to the Cavs, Bosh essentially made himself the catalyst of this union because it sealed LeBron’s days in Cleveland. Without a sidekick, he wasn’t staying. I suspect, as per the pact, James was aiming for Miami all along, until he got all sentimental about his long-suffering home region three days ago. You could tell he was uncharacteristically nervous on ESPN with Jim Gray, mumbling “this is tough” before dropping his destination. Why New York never seemed fully in the game is beyond me, although I think Donnie Walsh didn’t want to get involved in this scheme and instead went out and got something certain in Amare Stoudemire. As a result, these three guys will ply their trade in a city that is full of hot chicks yes, but whose team closed down their upper deck seating in a brand-new arena as little as eight years ago due to poor attendance. As a well-rounded sports fan’s town, Miami makes Toronto look like Boston.

And I can’t see how this is good for the game, given much of league’s financial shortfall since the economy’s near-collapse. The closest comparison to this union would be to the ’90s Bulls, an era that left many craving the rivalries of the decade before. You can bet this juggernaut will be marketed to point of numbness, but there’s also going to be a backlash from many of the league’s hardcore fans. If there’s a good thing, players on other teams will be gunning for them, which means some will actually try for a change. While David Stern might have intervened on the “free agency summit” you almost wonder if he should of stopped this. But he wouldn’t have, because he sees more global revenue. Countless kids in Indonesia wearing Heat jerseys. And that’s what he needs to bank on in today’s world.

How is it three guys deciding to play together makes you instantly dislike two of them? My opinion of LeBron, which was quite high, has hit new lows. Is Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert just angry or is there truth in what he wrote in that scathing rip-job of a letter in Comic Sans MS? And anybody who uses Twitter in the fashion Chris Bosh has the past few weeks deserves the “annoying” label, at best.

He brought Syracuse it’s lone national title. But I knew there always was more of a reason I liked Carmelo Anthony the most.

The best choice Bosh could have made. Chicago has Rose, but for Chris to truly shine as the #2 guy he is, he needed a player like Wade in the backcourt. Of course this leaves the Raptors without a sign-and-trade, because Bryan Colangelo won’t touch Michael Beasley with a 20-foot pole.

Either way it’s days like this when media outlets in Toronto who don’t know basketball from broomball do streeters with citizens who express concern that “nobody wants to play here.” It’s all very predictable really. Sad? Whatever. I viewed Bosh to slowly become more and more distant after he stopped looking like the goofy kid, above, and started to grow dreads. In other words, he grew up and went somewhere better.

And so the Raptors begin again, like the dude in that Whitesnake song. LeBron joining him for the triumvirate? I guess if he doesn’t mind the soul murder of half a state on his conscience. We have something of an economy in southern Ontario.

But if he does I’ll never doubt Stephen A. Smith again.

You had to know LeBron would be complicit with ESPN in capitalizing on this decision with a live special on Thursday. This is a global brand (except in Canada), and the network that broadcast one of his high school games as a one-off in 2003. While old people must be wondering what time the apocalypse is, you gotta admit it’s pretty compelling television.

Just remember, LBJ, the entire economic well-being, dignity, soul and overall future of northern Ohio depends on you staying in Cuyahoga County. But with rumorville saying Bosh won’t be joining you in Cleveland, to quote giant double rainbow guy, what does this mean?

Not that the Cavs have a lot of extra cap space or movable parts anyways, but we know Carlos Boozer isn’t exactly plan B in the post. Blue-collar towns often have problems with athletes who have screwed them over — and blind former team owners — in the past.

I do genuinely like Amir Johnson. He’s got upside as a big man and apparently a pretty sweet-ass truck. But 5 years and $34 million for a foul-prone five-rebound a game guy? Positive conventional wisdom says he’s still developing and the Raps need to bulk up at the 4 and 5 for Bosh’s imminent departure. Negative CW says it’s another example of how NBA teams screw themselves every summer.

While Bryan Colangelo may have lost his mind, he’s not an idiot and I’m starting to wonder if this could indicate that Andrea Bargnani is now on a trade block. The Raptors have no choice but to wait for Bosh wait for LeBron to make the big decision, so they can’t legitimately consider any sign-and-trade options until then. Locking up players with potential is a wise move in the interim, but should the Raps land David Lee in a Knick S&T, we’re left with a glut of big men, including rookie Ed Davis. If it’s Miami, where some still believe Bosh is going without LBJ, Michael Beasley can’t really be an option. He’s got more baggage than LAX and he, too, is a power forward.

There’s no guarantee of a sign and trade however. So does Amir Johnson’s contract work in a rebuild?

Tony Dejak/The Associated Press

Losing in Cleveland was fully expected, as is Wednesday’s loss at home against the Celtics and Friday’s versus Atlanta. But Chris Bosh heading to the over-advertised Cleveland Clinic was a detour best avoided. Bosh will stay overnight in Ohio after a maxilla and nasal fracture, a decision I would assume means there’s virtually no chance he plays against Boston.

The Hawks game? Hopefully Hedo Turkoglu will loan him that mask.

Could all this be happening at a worse time? I’m getting a feeling with this year’s Raptors squad like the feeling I got with the 1990 Blue Jays. I was only like 14 at the time, but I rode that roller coaster hard the last 2 weeks of that season that saw the Jays squander away a spot in the postseason to the Red Sox. The only saving grace is the Bulls can’t win when the Raps give them a window, losing Tuesday to Milwaukee for instance. Sunday’s game at the ACC against Chicago is massive.

This year’s Jays meanwhile? Losers of 100 games.

You knew Carmelo Anthony was going to hit that shot. I texted my boy that at 9:34 Friday, right before Denver inbounded the ball. Most galling however, was on a night where the Raptors pulled down a season-high 58 rebounds, they couldn’t get their hands on a game-saving 59th that skipped out to Nene, who kicked it back to Anthony for a second chance and a subsequent 97-96 Nugget win.

There’s beatdowns – like the one the Raps took at the hands of Utah on Wednesday – and there’s draining losses, like this one. Afterwards, a red-eyed Jay Triano tried to explain how after a near-ideal Raptor performance – good shooting outside of Jarrett Jack and Andrea Bargnani, and five players in double digits (without Hedo Turkoglu) – they still came up short. “Two players made two great shots,” Triano said in reference to Chauncey Billups’ late 3 and Melo’s subsequent winner.

Notable were Chris Bosh’s five turnovers. While he led the Raps with 18 points on 50% shooting, it’s clearly not every night the team has his back the way they did in this one. In the past eight games, Bosh has thrown it away 33 times, double his career average.

“I don’t pay attention to that statistic too much,” Bosh said when asked about it.

GM Bryan Colangelo alluded to “outside influences” this week when he addressed the team’s recent lacklustre performances. Talk is those “influences” might have something to do with Bosh being more concerned about his next contact, and it’s along those lines where Star columnist Dave Feschuk really does a number on him this time.