Roof That Peach

"Look I'm on a cable TV show"

Chris Bosh’s latest jab at the city of Toronto, or Canada in general, seems to indicate that the man who needs to be more famous than he really is has some lingering issues about what’s been said about him since he departed for Miami. Now cable TV has become newsworthy.

Seems his condo in Toronto was a BellExpressVu building, meaning he had no NBA League Pass. Given his income level, if it was such a problem, it begs the question of why he just didn’t move to a different condo. But this isn’t a real complaint, it’s just something else Bosh felt he needed to talk about. In this lightning-fast media era, famous people need a stream of talking points to help keep them relevant.

Now I certainly am not going to defend Bosh, but I’ve discussed this issue before. While he didn’t say it exactly, what I suspect he had an issue with was that there was no ESPN. One of the biggest complaints Americans of any profession have about living in Canada is not having ESPN. Does it make them babies if they whine about it and move back because of it? Yes, of course. Canadians give up all sorts of Canadiana when they move south by the thousands per year. Less hockey, no Tim Hortons in all but a few states, no health care unless your company pays for it.

However in this case we’re talking about professional athletes, men who have been coddled and treated like royalty since high school. No ESPN? That’s not good. I can even somewhat appreciate where they come from — a black guy from Dallas doesn’t necessarily want to sit through 15 minutes of NHL highlights on TSN or Sportsnet before he gets anything related to the NBA, NFL or whatever.

But given that this is an age where you can get highlights of anything on your iPhone in a matter of seconds, Bosh’s whining, and previous knock about a lack of U.S. TV coverage of the Raptors shows his media sensibility is shockingly dated for a man who desperately needs to be a media star. And his ego will never embrace the fact that his game and physical dimensions as a power forward isn’t always a marketable top-5 star commodity. But at the same time, that’s why you’re a third fiddle now Chris. The league, NBC and ESPN desperately tried to make Vince Carter that guy when he played in Toronto, but Vince just wasn’t interested in playing basketball.

Having said that, ESPN should be in Canada. It’s 2010. But it’s unlikely TSN, partially-owned by the Bristol mothership, will never let that happen because of CRTC rules and programming allotment. The Score still picks up content that some, but not many of us in this country like watching — such as NCAA basketball and football — but one wonders what the story will be as TSN2 continues to pick what’s becoming a sports TV carcass. If only TSN2 could run “Sportscenter” over “Sportscentre” once a day.

But make no mistake, the ESPN thing is a big issue with pro athletes in Toronto, and it’s always going to be there, however trivial Canadians find it.

If there was a moral victory for the Raps Saturday in Miami, it was Bosh racking up the five fouls and only playing 22 minutes. Friday’s stunning win in Orlando has to help build some confidence. Triano calling out some of his players earlier in the day may have helped. On a day when Triano alluded to Toronto players as selfish, the Raps spread the ball around and pulled out the win on a Sonny Weems three.

With the likelihood of any meaningful player additions decreasing by the day, the Raptors organization did bring into the fold veteran TV broadcaster David Amber, who was a Toronto-based reporter for ESPN, to replace Adnan Virk on pre- and post-game, who went to … ESPN.

Amber a solid guy and a knowledgeable ball fan who will be a good fit. And the reason it’s newsworthy is because this coming season, the team’s broadcasters may be worth watching more than the team itself.

"If any of you kids are thirsty, there's a conveniently placed fridge full of Vitamin Water. Just don't get up while the Pete Rose guy talks to LeBron"

However this Miami Heat triumvirate ends — and I’m betting that title(s) or not, it ultimately ends with clashing egos — this entire clusterfuck of an experience has been one of the most surreal sequences in sports history. The story goes the three of these guys made a pact at the 2008 Olympics in Beijing that they would do just this. And by doing it, LeBron James may become the man who could have been King. How he and Dwyane Wade plan on co-existing 40 minutes a game is anybody’s guess, but for the time being they can regale us about how they plan on being selfless team guys. You can also count on current Heat coach Erik Spoelstra being fired or re-assigned mid-season a la Stan Van Gundy. The glory that is Pat Riley’s ego tends to flare up every couple of years like a case of latent arthritis.

I don’t know Chris Bosh — the closest I’ve come to him is holding a tape recorder to his chest and walking by him once at Cheval — but there was a palpable sense in Toronto after the summer of 2008 that he had changed. Bill Simmons points out that presently, he clearly wants to be more famous than he actually is. From purely a basketball standpoint, going to Miami to be with Wade alone made sense — he never was a #1, no matter how hard some Raptors fans wanted him to be, and despite his deficiencies he would flourish playing low with a star in the backcourt. But the whole process made you wonder when the rumor came out LeBron had unsuccessfully tried to recruit him to Cleveland. He wouldn’t play in the rustbelt, plain and simple. It was abundantly clear he needed more glamour than that. Thanks to Mona Halem and the city itself, Toronto is celebrated among U.S. pro athletes (even if they don’t want to live here) for it’s multi-ethnic mix of women and upscale nightlife. The only NBA cities that beat it in that regard are Miami, New York and L.A.

By rejecting LBJ’s appeal to find a way to go to the Cavs, Bosh essentially made himself the catalyst of this union because it sealed LeBron’s days in Cleveland. Without a sidekick, he wasn’t staying. I suspect, as per the pact, James was aiming for Miami all along, until he got all sentimental about his long-suffering home region three days ago. You could tell he was uncharacteristically nervous on ESPN with Jim Gray, mumbling “this is tough” before dropping his destination. Why New York never seemed fully in the game is beyond me, although I think Donnie Walsh didn’t want to get involved in this scheme and instead went out and got something certain in Amare Stoudemire. As a result, these three guys will ply their trade in a city that is full of hot chicks yes, but whose team closed down their upper deck seating in a brand-new arena as little as eight years ago due to poor attendance. As a well-rounded sports fan’s town, Miami makes Toronto look like Boston.

And I can’t see how this is good for the game, given much of league’s financial shortfall since the economy’s near-collapse. The closest comparison to this union would be to the ’90s Bulls, an era that left many craving the rivalries of the decade before. You can bet this juggernaut will be marketed to point of numbness, but there’s also going to be a backlash from many of the league’s hardcore fans. If there’s a good thing, players on other teams will be gunning for them, which means some will actually try for a change. While David Stern might have intervened on the “free agency summit” you almost wonder if he should of stopped this. But he wouldn’t have, because he sees more global revenue. Countless kids in Indonesia wearing Heat jerseys. And that’s what he needs to bank on in today’s world.

How is it three guys deciding to play together makes you instantly dislike two of them? My opinion of LeBron, which was quite high, has hit new lows. Is Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert just angry or is there truth in what he wrote in that scathing rip-job of a letter in Comic Sans MS? And anybody who uses Twitter in the fashion Chris Bosh has the past few weeks deserves the “annoying” label, at best.

He brought Syracuse it’s lone national title. But I knew there always was more of a reason I liked Carmelo Anthony the most.

You had to know LeBron would be complicit with ESPN in capitalizing on this decision with a live special on Thursday. This is a global brand (except in Canada), and the network that broadcast one of his high school games as a one-off in 2003. While old people must be wondering what time the apocalypse is, you gotta admit it’s pretty compelling television.

Just remember, LBJ, the entire economic well-being, dignity, soul and overall future of northern Ohio depends on you staying in Cuyahoga County. But with rumorville saying Bosh won’t be joining you in Cleveland, to quote giant double rainbow guy, what does this mean?

Not that the Cavs have a lot of extra cap space or movable parts anyways, but we know Carlos Boozer isn’t exactly plan B in the post. Blue-collar towns often have problems with athletes who have screwed them over — and blind former team owners — in the past.

Chris Bosh missed his seventh straight game Friday night against the Knicks, although the story now is a stomach virus struck him down before the game. He was taken to a HOSPITAL and put on an IV while the Raps wore the Huskies uniforms with the inexpensive Barney Miller title font and won 102-96.

IV is serious enough to warrant chatter. BTW there are whispers his ankle injury is more serious than the team has been letting on.

Meanwhile Tracy McGrady, he along with cousin Vinnie of “How much better would we have been if we came along in the ’80s when money hadn’t completely changed the game?” NBA players, imparted his wisdom about Bosh’s impending free agency to the Toronto media at Knicks shootaround Friday.

“Maybe he wants to start off fresh with another franchise, or maybe he’s doing it for tax reasons,” said T-Mac regarding the rumours Bosh will bolt T-dot the first chance he gets this summer. McGrady after all did it himself in 2000, in one of the least surprising developments of my lifetime. Soon after of course, the exodus watch focused on the aforementioned Vince Carter. And although most Americans forget it (revisionist history being their most lovable strong suit), it didn’t happen. Even most Canadians forget Vince resigned here long-term in the summer of ’01 when nobody said he would. Unfortunately, he opted to phone the bulk of his career in from that point forward, leading to the brilliant Rob Babcock trade of 2004, but he did re-up here. But I’ve talked about that before.

Tracy has long purposely tried to be a thorn in the side of Raps fans and has eye sockets spread out like a fish, but this is a different situation. Quite frankly, if Bosh left tomorrow I don’t think I would lose much sleep. Is he a great player? Sure. Entertaining guy? Yeah. Would it “destroy Canada’s lone NBA franchise?” Hell no. As Bill Simmons adroitly pointed out, the business of the NBA is such now that every team is somewhat screwed the moment they commit to a large contract (potentially see Hedo Turkoglu). Unless you’ve got a true franchise superstar (re: Kobe, Duncan, LeBron) or catch a break (the Celts trading for KG could have backfired in ’07 – ask the 2004 Lakers all-ego team of Shaq, Kobe, Mailman and Glove), your team is generally caught in the same cycle of mediocrity.

But enough of that. Let’s look the real reasons why American athletes frown about playing in Canada.

It’s not taxes. The fiscal loss is negligible at best. It’s not cold weather. Go to Chicago in January sometime. It’s not necessarily the hockey thing. Play any sport other than football in Dallas, and see what it’s like to be second fiddle. But if one thing can sum it up, it’s four letters: ESPN.

I know Americans who live in Canada. There are minor annoyances that bother them about moving up here. Changing your mobile provider from Sprint Nextel to Telus. Figuring out how the health-care system applies to you. In other words, the same annoyances Canadians face when they move to the states. But one specific issue many Americans have — regular folk or pro athletes — is no ESPN. You see, the U.S. is a diversified sports nation. It’s not a country limited in large numbers to one sport like Canada is. The cliques of Canucks who love pro and college basketball would fit into one small-to-medium-sized American market, maybe Pittsburgh at best. And no corporation has capitalized in the past decade and a half on the spectrum of U.S. sports like ESPN. What was a simple cable channel with a glut of pro bowling in the late ’80s is now a standalone brand, a true monopoly that every sports fan in America turns to for their favorite sport (except for maybe hockey). While TSN has been partially been owned by ESPN since 1995, protectionist laws keep the American network off Canadian subscriber screens. And the similarities end with the graphics.

In the ’80s and early ’90s, Americans (or Dominicans for that matter, who now incidentally get ESPN Deportes) had no issue playing for the Blue Jays because those were also the days when most pro athletes weren’t so media-savvy. The combined Jays teams that won the World Series in 1992 and 1993 featured only two 25-man roster players — T.O.’s own Rob Butler and Willie Canate — who were born after Jan. 1, 1970. That means the bulk of those players were raised in the ’70s and early ’80s, pre-MJ, pre-Just Do It. ESPN’s powerhouse is a legacy born from that. The Shawn Greens, Vince Carters, A.J. Burnetts and Chris Boshes of the world grew up with ESPN as kids, some more importantly as alumni of the American universities ESPN has helped pad the coffers of.

It’s also no secret that most pro athletes who ply their trade in Hogtown live in the downtown condos, many of which ban balcony satellite dishes for aesthetic reasons. And unless they employ the same tactics a guy I know once did by propping up an illegal dish on a crude wood frame next to their window (assuming it faces southwest of course), then these American gladiators are left to watch programs at home where 65% of the winter sports highlight content is ice hockey and curling. Vince Carter said this was an overrated issue when asked about it in 2004. But it’s not. To a spoiled pro athlete, it’s a minor nuisance along the lines of the cellphones and health care for average people. The big difference being that spoiled pro athletes often have multiple choices about where they work. After all, how many times have the Raptors been on U.S. national television in the last five years? As superfan Nav Bhatia pointedly reminded me once, it’s been “since Vince left.”

Maybe I’m wrong. TV ain’t the be-all, end-all any more. Maybe the web-savvy generation (of which Bosh is clearly a member) rely on the Internet for non-nordic highlights, like The Score apparently deduced when they canceled their only live highlight TV program. Just gotta hope that ESPN never institutes an NBC/Universal-like policy of banning web views from outside the U.S.

Strange, though. I thought the world was supposed to be “getting smaller.”

Sports Illustrated’s NBA preview is out, and they pick the Raptors to finish second in the Atlantic, sixth in the Eastern Conference. ESPN meanwhile, is predicting Toronto seventh. Either way, that’s a playoff berth. Given the Raps’ throwaway 33-49 season last year, it’s close to constituting high praise for Bryan Colangelo’s offseason work.

Players say they never pay attention to these kinds of things, although they can also serve as a motivational tool. Chris Bosh is no different. “How many predicition polls have been correct in the past 10 years?” asked Bosh Tuesday at Raptors practice. “Let ESPN bring that up.”

The preseason’s main concern – whether or not this team has gelled yet – will soon be evident with two tough tests (Cleveland and Orlando sandwiching Memphis) in their first three regular season games. “With the number of changes that we’ve had,” said coach Jay Triano, ”we’ve got enough guys who can score, it’s just knowing where they are, small things.”

Bosh sums things up succinctly, if not simply. “We can either be good or bad, it depends on us,” he said. “I think we’re gonna be good.”

For the record, there’s a lot of pundit love for the revamped Celtics this year.

To say Isiah Thomas has always had a crippling lack of likability could be one of the world’s greatest understatements. As heartwarming as his rise from the Chicago ‘hood to one of the best players in NBA history was, there’s always been the backstories, the tales from behind the scenes that questioned his motivations and character. The latest, exposed in the new book When the Game Was Ours regarding his relationship with one-time close friend Magic Johnson, come as little surprise. After years of rumours, Magic finally took public issue with Isiah’s allegedly questioning Johnson’s sexual orientation in the days after he was diagnosed HIV-positive in 1991.

Veteran Boston sportswriter Jackie MacMullan, who co-authored the book with Magic and Larry Bird, appeared on ESPN’s Pardon The Interruption this week, and pointed out just how special the hell was that Johnson went through in those early days of the AIDS scare. Players on his own team were apparently afraid to play pickup or shootaround with him, let alone hug him. To have one of his best friends talking behind his back in a league where everybody talks to each other might explain why Magic didn’t help Zeke’s case with the original Dream Team. Conventional wisdom up until now said it was Michael Jordan – and Michael Jordan only – that kept Thomas off that squad, which was notable seeing as it was headed by Thomas’ own pro coach, Chuck Daly. I remember arguing this as a kid back in ’92, and my cousin was adamant that the only reason Christian Laettner made the squad was because USA Basketball wanted another white guy.  Instead, Isiah got to come Toronto for the World Championships in ’94 and apparently impressed fellow Indiana alum John Bitove enough to offer him the GM job of a certain expansion team named in the marketing wake of Barney and Jurassic Park.

Thomas is on record saying he is “hurt” by Johnson’s allegations, but common logic points to him – as it historically has – as being his own worst enemy. But it’s also worth noting that the reason Magic abandoned his first NBA comeback bid in the fall of ’92 was players like Karl Malone questioning the safety factors of playing against an HIV-positive player.

Links: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/ian_thomsen/10/22/isiah.magic/index.html

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=4585983

In other links today, here’s my high school buddy Segun eating a McDonald’s cheesburger in two bites. For you aspiring Kobayashi’s, note he broke the sandwich in half and ate it stacked: